The Slam: Slammables

emperor

by eponine-pontmercy, London, UK

all that is left
is the taste of orange oil
and footprints
in the shadow of the fountain -- i couldn't let them
sweep you quite away

Slammings

I don't really understand this poem, but I love the sensory detail in it.  I can almost taste the orange oil.  Also, each word in this poem is uniquely beautiful.  It reads like music. 

critiqued by musicalpoet, Alabama
Aug 14, 2010

A poem does not need to be understood so much as it needs to be experienced. This poem is quite an example of how undiluted description is potent; how the smallest number of words can evoke an enormous amount. “emperor” is my favorite of this batch of Slammables, simply because it displays a mastery of simplicity. It is beautiful. In five lines I extract so much information (with the help of the title). A person is now gone, someone that the speaker views as an "emperor." This poem is like this title word: concise, signifying great power. The voice is apparent in this piece, which is something of a feat. I get the sense that the speaker misses this "emperor:" "couldn't let them / sweep you quite away," it ends. I am curious about the interesting choices of dashes, rather than a line break, in the second to last line, and the non-capitalization throughout. The letter "i" is usually capitalized... but perhaps this has symbolic significance. After all, the speaker seems frail, alone, without this "emperor" ... in that case, I can see that the "i" ought to remain as it is.
Beautiful!

critiqued by Liz, Pennsylvania
Aug 17, 2010

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

 

Thank you for commenting. It's odd reading other people's interpretations of my own work, especially when I'm not sure what I meant by it in the first place. But this was written with a specific inspiration, and while it's a bit different in my own mind, I like what you got from it; I was afraid it was too simple. I generally don't change the "i" if I happen to include it... I think it turned out to be fitting here, though. And I'm not sure what to say about the dashes; I think I overuse them when I'm writing longer pieces and they snuck in here. But I'm glad you liked it and that it worked.

critiqued by eponine-pontmercy, London, UK
Aug 22, 2010

This is a very nostalgic poem. I especially love the last two lines -- they ring true and are very sad and beautiful. Thanks for submitting this.

critiqued by fountain-pen, France
Sep 12, 2010