The Slam: Slammables
Diddle Diddle
by Erica, Missouri
You fickle cell
You're a sickled shell
Your wild heart is bursting the rooms
You clawing smell
You're a falling bell
Your sweet breath is freezing our fumes
That's gorgeous. I read it over and over and it sounded different every time.
critiqued by eponine-pontmercy, London, UK
Jul 28, 2010
Jul 28, 2010
Love the wordplay in this one! Great alliteration and assonance. Your metaphors have a surrealistic feel that evokes odd juxtapositions in my imagination. I especially like, "Your wild heart is bursting the rooms." Curious what your inspiration for this was.
critiqued by Karen Kincy, Snohomish, WA
Jul 29, 2010
Jul 29, 2010
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
I really like rhyming poetry, so I jot down similar sounding words often, and play around with phrases I think sound especially nice. I was toying with "sickle cell," and this poem just fell out. I liked it because after I wrote it, I didn't really know what it was about; it seemed like someone else created it about a subject I didn't understand.
critiqued by Erica, Missouri
Aug 1, 2010
Aug 1, 2010
I keep coming back to this poem every time I'm on this site! It took me a while to figure out what to say other that babbling on and on about how much I loved it. I have to say, other than the infectious rhyme, my favorite thing about this poem is the title. Just like the poem, the title "Diddle Diddle" is fun to read aloud, and is slightly nonsensical. The symmetry between the rhyme and rhythm in the two stanzas is also very well done. Thank you!
critiqued by Blubelle, Canada
Aug 4, 2011
Aug 4, 2011
Slammings