The Slam: Slammables

Romance

by Kate, USA

He nestles plump roots
In my skin; royal veins.
Tired as a pair of socks
Damp
On the bathroom floor,
He drapes gnarled branches
Across my sky
And creaks to me.
He is far too tall, in
The bathroom.  We stumbled
Here together, and we will
Dig out the forest.  I
Am the one sitting
With my socks wet, watering those
Toes to sprout.  He’s
Telling me a story
About seeds.

Slammings

I enjoyed the images you used in this poem because they're original, but the pace is pretty irregular (sometimes flowing, sometimes snappy) and it's distracting. A little more revising should do the trick. Keep writing!

critiqued by fountain-pen, France
Sep 5, 2010