The Slam: Slammables
the lines
by eponine-pontmercy, London, UK
what i love about being pale is
the beautiful peacock veins
a slip of the knife flat below the surface
they stretch out and up indigo ironed thorns
i've got a road map in my skin
one day someone will read it and tell me
where it is i'm supposed to go
what it is at the center of me
I love the simplicity in this piece. I love how you start out with the line "what i love about being pale is..." That really grabbed my attention.
critiqued by musicalpoet, USA
Jul 14, 2010
Jul 14, 2010
This is great. You could consider adding another stanza about the heart or lack thereof, but I think it's nearly perfect just the way it is. Have you considered submitting this to the "Map" Call for Creative Endeavors? You should. [See www.cicadamag.com/submitwork.]
critiqued by SpontaneosCreativeWriter7
Apr 21, 2011
Apr 21, 2011
Slammings