The Slam: Slammables

Hell ( I think the title says it all)

by X_of_coins, In the heart tree

Down

Down

Down

Spiraling

"Please catch me!"

Falling

Flailing

Monsters rushing past

Grinning with open mouths

We are all spiraling down

To the same place

And only one of us is

crying 

 

Author's Note:

So... It's been one of those week... Weeks.... Month... It's been bla. I
wish I could take a year long nap! The nap of Kings or queens sounds
real nice. I'll be alright eventually. 

Anyway! What do you think. It's obviously not a finished product but I
need ideas on how finish it up. I was thinking more about the monsters
but I don't want to over do it and some better word choices. Unless you
all think it's fine. I over think some things and this could be one of
them. 

 

Slammings

I overthink a lot of things, too. As you said, it still seems a little unfinished, and some description of the monsters could be interesting to hear. (Read? See? Idk) That said, I do like the starkness of using the same words multiple times and the shorter lines. It provides a kind of strange description within itself. 

critiqued by queenie_flower, hopefully memorable
Aug 5, 2017