The Slam: Slammables
Vasuki
by Kate, USA
click tight my spine
bone necklace, me, strung tight, right
thick cords of skin, frail like twigs, like
the mother’s smile and feathery
shadow fringes; shadow’s eating her feet, sand, sari
smile -- how can she smile, when me, I, oil serpent beads
click, click
tightens around her child’s bulging neck?
Vasuki, they call me sacred; humans with
walls and floor crisp skin
Vasuki over the churning milk, poison, my burble of gaping poison,
Brahma might have smiled twigs from that fifth head
bleeding stump for lust, and Shiva stirred, stirred me fine in poison
was it Vishnu? was it me, stirring, stirring, no -- I can tighten and bite, I can
kiss, still, unquenched? unflinchingly? Asuras’s got my head
got my head.
the mother smiles thirsty shadows -- they drink human sweat, between toes
and gold bracelets -- her son brought me in from
the sun -- I should fly. Nagamani grinds bone tight the boy
poses like a dancer, prim, and his
neck throbs --
all these humans know is that Shiva
swallowed the poison and turned
blue.
turned blue, I might say, like a boy wearing a freshly kissed
bone necklace, but the mother smiles twigs at me.
I really enjoyed this. The images are great and the diction was really interesting, like a divine thought process. What I really admire is how you made me want to know more. You made me want to know what you were even talking about. And even after I researched Vasuki, I still don't know completely what's going on in this poem, but I don't mind that. It may just be my lack of knowledge on Hindu mythology, but I like the mystery. It adds to the beyond-human happenings in this poem.
critiqued by CarlNap, Arkansas
Jul 13, 2010
Jul 13, 2010
I loved your poem so much that I looked up all the Hindu gods you mentioned! I found out that Varsuki is a snake god closely tied to Shiva, and that under the order of Vishnu he was used to churn an ocean of milk to get the nectar of immortality. The asuras, or demons, held his head. In other stories Varsuki is also used as a tightening rope.
Brahma created a beautiful woman out of himself and she tried to escape so he used his fifth head to search for her. Shiva deemed his love inappropriate so he cut off the fifth head, letting Satarupa escape. I think the part about gold bracelets might refer to when Varsuki tried to get flown home but parts of him got left behind, so Shiva made him into a bangle. Naga means snake, and Naga Mani is some kind of pearl, but I don't know if that makes sense in your context.
Anyway, your poem is AMAZING and has a great driving rhythm. The repetition you have like "asuras's got my head / got my head" gives your poem a tone of urgency. My favorite image is "freshly kissed bone necklace" and I like how you mentioned twigs throughout the poem, giving it great continuity. Please, please keep writing!
critiqued by Blubelle, Canada
Aug 3, 2011
Aug 3, 2011
Slammings