The Slam: Slammables
Class Rules
by musicalpoet, Alabama
class rules
study for the rest of your life and don’t sleep and don’t eat and don’t call your friends and don’t spend time with your family and don’t take vacations and if you have free time use it to memorize something and smile and don’t laugh and even if you have a ninety-nine there’s still room for a hundred and
home rules
get rid of those bags under your eyes and come eat with us and socialize sometimes and learn social graces and manners and be a young lady and sit up straight and don’t yawn and exercise so you won’t be fat and if you have free time use it to do your chores and try to smile more and even if you’re having a good hair day there’s still frizz and
miscellaneous
if you studied say you didn’t and pretend you don’t really care and don’t talk too much and don’t believe anything you hear and look at the negative before the positive because then you won’t be disappointed and don’t apologize and don’t expect apologies and don’t buy into things like i won’t tell if you don’t and
more class rules
threes on ap tests are bad and you must be a merit scholar and when someone asks for a score you must respond
because it’s better to be seen as a number than as what’s in between your legs
This was sad and stark and beautifully written. I like the rushed, rather endless style; it fits with the topic. I wish it wasn't so accurate, but there it is.
critiqued by eponine-pontmercy, London, UK
Jul 13, 2010
Jul 13, 2010
I love this! It's all 100% true. It meant a lot for me, especially because most of stuff in the poem is exactly the kind of issues I have to deal with. It's nice to know that other people feel the same kind of pressure and have the same kind of thoughts that I do. The only part I didn't think fit was the last line because you brought up another seemingly random subject without talking about it at all previously. But maybe that was intentional. All in all, it's a great poem!
critiqued by A.A., Seattle, WA
Jul 14, 2010
Jul 14, 2010
I really did like this. It was easy for me to relate to, as I'm pretty sure it would be for almost any teenager. The different groupings of rules were great, and the way there was just an endless cascade of rule after rule was actually rather interesting. By putting the rules in one big run-on sentence of ands, instead of giving each rule its own line, you point out how all of these unspoken rules are almost trivial but yet we still abide by them. I too find the last line a bit out of place. I mean, I liked it. It added another layer to the poem -- it's just that nowhere else in the poem was the issue really acknowledged. It really is a great line; I only find it strange that the poem as a whole isn't really addressing sexism, right? But the last thing you give the reader is a line that's pretty much all about it. But I really did like the poem, epecially the part "if you have free time use it to memorize something." It's so true and I just really enjoy it for some reason.
critiqued by CarlNap, Arkansas
Jul 15, 2010
Jul 15, 2010
I love your poem! The style you used (no punctuation, the way the rules seem to flow into each other) perfectly illustrates the pressure that is put on us and the way rules fill our head. As soon as I started reading this, I related to it. My favorite part is the "home rules," because those are problems I have with my family every day. I would really like to show them your poem because you've expressed the way I feel better than I could have. Thanks!
critiqued by fountain-pen, France
Jul 28, 2010
Jul 28, 2010
Slammings