Macabre and beautiful.

I love the description of the narrator's dream:  "I heard your cry, / like a horn solo; / saw the color leave your face, / like paint chased by water; / heard the crack of my gun, / a fanfare..." etc.  The whole metaphor of comparing death to beauty, and envying those who can view death as a work of art, is fabulous.

I only hope this didn't come from personal experience.

That was incredible! I think your poem is about a soldier haunted by his experiences in battle, writing to a dead soldier he killed. I love the references to music and fine arts and the contrast between them and the horrors of war. Very well done! I hope to read more from you!

This is a marvelous poem.  For me, there are two different ways to interpret it -- was it the artist of death who the narrator killed?  Or an innocent victim of war?  I think the second is more logical, because why would the artist be killed -- wasn't he a fellow soldier?  Hmm.  Either way, a fascinating poem.  Well-done.  Keep writing.

I didn't think of the violence being that of war -- I thought this was like an excerpt from a serial killer's thoughts.  Their fascination with death and the way it tingles their senses with beauty and fascination for every victim they destroy.

That was really interesting!  I started out thinking that the soldier was talking to a girl back home whom he was in love with, but when I got to “If that’s so, I suppose you were my Ninth,” I figured out that this was a man he’d killed. That transition of thought was really cool because it gave a different dimension to the soldier’s feelings about this man who is supposedly an “enemy.” My favorite lines were “Saw Mozart in the massacres, / Degas in the destruction.” The alliterations are really powerful, and really show how this guy’s companion feels about war. My only complaint was that my favorite moment occurred in the first half of the piece, and while I did really like the end, it didn’t blow my mind, as it had the capability to do. Also, I might prefer the word “dreamt” over “dreamed.” Both are correct, “dreamt” is just a little more old-fashioned, which seems appropriate for someone fighting in trenches. Another interesting point (neither positive nor negative, just interesting) is that you say he “Used to call the twisted faces of the dead the ones Picasso never drew,” and that made me specifically think of Picasso’s Guernica, an anti-war statement. Overall, this piece really impressed me. Lots of people write about war; lots of people write about art. Lots of people write about both. And yet you put the concepts together very well, in a way I’d never thought of before. Kudos to you, and happy writing!

Although "dreamt" may be a better fit for the context of the poem, I prefer "dreamed" because it seems to flow better with your phrases.  All the musical references in your poem are very clever, specifically the line, "If that's so, I suppose you were my Ninth." (Like Beethoven''s ninth!) Your poem expresses the feelings associated with World War I very well.  (I assume you are writing about WWI since you mention trenches.)  When I read it I am immediately reminded of the WWI soldier's poem "Strange Meeting."  If you have not read it you should definitely take a look.  Here is a link: http://users.fulladsl.be/spb1667/cultural/owen/strange-meeting.html

Great job and keep writing! 

That was amazing! I'm new to The Slam and that was my first poem, and although it's kind of dark it's really incredible writing.