The Slam: Slammables
On the Count of Three
by Erica, Missouri
Swan-dive, cut through the air, the blue
fall
and try not to cringe
as a desert floor comes closer.
You tried very hard to mimick William Carlos Williams there, are at least you seemed to. You created a profound clash of colors and vivid imagery, white on blue on brown. Great for an art piece, but you need more structure and meaning in good poetry.
critiqued by Aaron Lawrence, St. Louis, MO
May 31, 2010
May 31, 2010
Slammings