The Slam: Slammables
in time of storms
by Georgicus, Santa Rosa, CA
She once had read of distant tropic isles,
where birds the size of elephants still lived,
and with their wings stirred hurricanes from dew.
Outside, the chickens strut and peck the dirt.
The single book she owns still tells of times
when princes quested to the world's edge,
and burning djinn left wakes of ashen plains.
Thin smoke trails from the chimney to the sky.
She sighs and glances to the window. Strange,
the plains have darkened early -- thunderclouds
are coming, floods of shadow rushing in.
The wind is lashing. Chickens squawk and flee.
Then talons tear the cottage walls away.
She unfolds from the wreck, tall and aflame.
I think this would be really beautiful as a prose piece. Because besides the devastatingly wonderful descriptive language, nothing makes "in time of storms" really a poem. It seems that you simply pressed the Enter key a few times at random places. The story you tell here is magnificent, so turn it into a story.
May 26, 2010
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
I'm afraid the site has messed up the line breaks. They weren't originally as random; it's an unrhymed sonnet.
May 28, 2010
Wow, I had read this when the lines were all wonky and thought not much of it. But now that it's fixed, I really do like this. There's some really great imagery and it just goes to show how much line breaks can really augment or hinder a piece.
May 31, 2010
Wow, that makes a big difference.
Jun 11, 2010

Slammings