Unable to send this item

The Slam: Slammables

He

by Liz, Pennsylvania

He's not a movie person
but this Friday
he wants to have
a movie night.

He does this
because he knows
what Fridays are
for me.

They are untethered ships,
unmoored vehicles from
which I am in danger
of plunging.

So he says to me
simply,
Why not watch a movie?

I think,
a small anchor.
But smile, nod,
and with the gesture
I am vowed.

We waver easily
in our promises,
but sometimes,
without trying,
they weigh so much,
it means something.

Slammings

This is very good.  I especially like these lines:

 

They are untethered ships,
unmoored vehicles from
which I am in danger

of plunging. 

 

I love the metaphor, and how you continue it at the end of the poem.  The last lines also seem very important; they completely change the overall meaning for me.  However, in the last two lines I would change it from "they weigh so much, / it means something" to "they weigh so much / that it means something."  Something small, but even (and especially) the small things are important in poetry.

critiqued by Louise Porter, Connecticut
May 22, 2010

I really like this. You've captured so well how a little gesture can mean the world to someone who is alone and depressed.

critiqued by Teresa
May 22, 2010

I love this! It's very well written, and the pieces of information you volunteer about the characters make me feel like I know them even though you never really introduce them. This is a beautiful poem; I just wish I know what it is about. I feel like every time I read this I understand a little bit more of the underlying plot, but I guess that's what poetry is all about!

critiqued by A.A., Seattle, WA
May 26, 2010