The Slam: Slammables

A Catalogue of Stars

by M.V., Alexandria, VA

At the ragged maw of the world:
musty salt breaths
and tumbles of molten sky.
 
Exhale eternal,
the wet glint of stars
seen through tornadoes of dark sea hair:
spiral galaxies;
moons;
globes of rock: red, rough, sighing into sand;
a universe of bones, empty houses;
a world of lost and found.

Slammings

What a lovely poem. I was drawn to it by the title. Did you write this with a specific image in mind? It makes me think of a star nebula with stars continually forming. At the same time it also reminded me of the earth beginning. I love your words and the way they sift into one another's rhythm. 

critiqued by eponine-pontmercy
Apr 24, 2010

This brings to my mind an image of things heartbreakingly ancient. I love your word choice, "globes of rock: red, rough, sighing into sand..." Things forever changing to be found again. A really beautiful piece.

critiqued by L.M. Zhukov, Russia
Apr 28, 2010

Wow. I really like the last line; it totally changes the image that I got from the poem. Before it was all worlds beginning and great distant things, which I can be in awe of, but from which I feel detached, too. The last line brought all these cosmic happenings together like the lost and found table at an elementary school.

 

Anyway, I think it is a really great poem and I admire the way you use so few words to create such a powerful image and feeling.

critiqued by jujubee
May 2, 2010