I really like your rhyme scheme and use of parentheses; they are both things that could have made the poem seem too structured and limited your creativity, but you pulled them off extremely well, so kudos for that! I especially love the internal rhyme in the last two lines.

I also appreciate the strength that was added to your words and images because you got straight to them, no rambling or hem-hawing around (which is what I tend to do when I write). Often, less really is more.

One suggestion: I feel like it would help clarity and phrasing if you separated your long lines a tad, maybe starting new lines at "blackberries," "harmonizing," and "little." I had to read the first line twice to get what you meant because it's really two phrases, and when I read it I strung them together. It also takes away from your rhythm and makes the rhyme less obvious when readers must spend their thoughts trying to figure out the phrasing themselves.

Overall, great poem! Happy writing!

I really like the style of your poem! It's a unique, inventive format -- with the second rhyme in parentheses in every other line -- that adds an almost echo-like quality ("It's yours (it's mine)") that expresses the closeness of the twins. Simple but evocative. Makes the reader think. Nice job!

In my opinion, this is the kind of poetry that nothing bad can be said about. The whole thing is as wonderfully written as could be.

This is fantastic! It reminded me very much of the work of Wallace Stevens. An idea given words instead of words molded to ideas. It seems to me that too many poems and stories give the impression that every word was chosen and molded specifically for the piece. Even if that was the case for this poem, you've managed to convey a sense of freedom with your phrases and words that don't conform so much as suggest the subject of the poem.

Also, was the phrase within the parentheses intended? "(it's mine)(i heard)(forever)" If so, it's a neat touch. If not, it is anyway. Thanks!

Are you a twin yourself?

I am a twin, and this poem captures it perfectly.

Thanks for the great poem!