I really love this! In fact, it's probably my favorite of all the pieces you've had on The Slam. You write beautifully, but sometimes I feel like you take away from the power of your words by writing too many of them. This poem is short, but lovely, with no distracting clarity or punctuation issues (which I know I've complained about in the past, if you can forgive me for that.)

Another thing that I really like about this poem is that although it doesn't rhyme all the way through, the rhyme of “below” and “know” and the assonance of “strain” and “claims” add a sort of ring to the piece and lighten up a deep topic. One thing I think could be improved: I would change the word “strain” to “strains” in order to emphasize how it sounds like “claims” and improve the flow.

Overall, great poem! I would encourage you to write more that are short, like this one. Happy writing!

I really like this. It is highly elegant. It reminds me of my piece "Beneath the Lilies," especially the part about the "youngest ones." I particularly like the line breaks. Where you placed "long" is just perfect in terms of timing. It subtly stretches out that word, "lengthening" the moment, adding just a hint of suspense, or that waiting which comes with a longing of any kind. Beautiful.