The Slam: Slammables

Finishing My Sentence (Google's Suggestions)

by wordgirl89, Saginaw, MI

why are:

why are we in Afghanistan
why are yawns contagious
why are the Kardashians famous

why are flamingos pink
why are there school
why are we here

why to:

why to recycle
why to quit smoking
why torture is wrong

why to b:

why to buy a ps3
why to believe in god
why to be an organ donor

why to be a doctor
why to be a pharmacist
why to be a nurse

why does:

why does my eye twitch
why does hair turn gray
why does it rain

Slammings

How creative!  At first I was like, What on earth is this?  But then I looked once more at the title and I put two and two together.  I have a couple questions.  Was this exactly, in order, what google put up, or did you stretch it to fit meter? And if you did, then why the flamingos and some of the other odd ones out?  If it was your own tweaking, then you might have added a more consistent meter and chosen more "general or universal" subjects per line.  Also line 6, "Why are there school" -- are you sure that wasn't meant to be "why is there school" or "why are there schools"?

critiqued by Aaron Lawrence, St. Louis, MO
Apr 11, 2010

I thought this was a really cool poem, and well done on an original idea. I'm thinking that perhaps you should have finished it with a line that questions all of those things. Other than that, I thought it was great. Keep writing!

critiqued by Jojo, Australia
Apr 11, 2010

I really like that idea, Jojo! It would really make the poem more personal and give it more of a meaning. You could end with "Why do we care?" or "Should we care?" or "Do we even know?" or "Does google even know?" or whatever else floats your boat and represents your personal reason for writing this.

critiqued by Jenna, Missouri
Apr 13, 2010

This is really rather clever. It says a lot about our society and culture, infusing concerns that are simplistic (a PS3) and those that are a bit more complicated (God). I also find it a nice portrait of modern human curiousity.

critiqued by CarlNap, Arkansas
Apr 11, 2010

Well, I have to say that I love this. I'll admit that I've spent quite my fair share of time just sitting and typing random words into google to see what pops up, and turning it into a poem was brilliant. I like that you started with all why's, which ties it all together nicely so it is slightly less random. Great!

critiqued by sing4eva
Apr 11, 2010

It's an interesting idea and, obviously, brings up questions. I liked how different degrees of questions were scattered throughout, from a more innocent question about flamingos to a more serious question about torture. However, there were a few things that really distracted me:

 

1. "Why are there school." I know that's actually what Google gives you, but it was really distracting, and I spent the rest of the poem thinking about how it could be "why is there school" or "why are there schools."

 

2. In the "why to" section, torture is included. Now, I understand how that works, torture does begin with "to," and obviously if that's what you were going for, keep it, just wanted to mention that I personally found it distracting... unless that was the point, to have these little things that jerked you out of simply reading a nice poem?

 

3. In the "why to b" section, the first grouping has all different "b" verbs, while the second has only "be." My suggestion would be to either make them all "be," have them all different, or group it so two "be"s sandwich the other "b" verb.

 

If that was how you wanted it to be and want to leave it purely the way Google gave it to you, of course, leave it! But I thought I should bring these things up if it wasn't exactly your intention, or not to that degree.  

critiqued by D. Baetzner, Minnesota
Apr 11, 2010

Honestly, I thought the irony of "why are there school" was brilliant. Here's someone pondering the pointlessness of school, and he doesn't even know his tenses. Question answered!  True, the line is distracting -- but in a good way, I think.  Maybe if it fell at the end of the grouping it would be easier to digest? Or maybe the progression of "why are there school," "why are we here" is too good to rearrange...

 

By the same token, I'd also like to defend "why to b"... At first I also thought this was just too jarring, but then I came to like it, because it gives the sense that the author is typing words into Google and getting suggestions before she even gets to the end of the word. It mirrors the way that drop-down menu always jumps at you before you can finish typing.

 

The reason this poem is so good -- and the reason it is such a great commentary on our society, I think -- is because it is so organic, so reflective of the actual Google process. I'm willing to handle a little awkwardness in exchange for that true-to-life portrayal.  I think it's worth the trade.

critiqued by CuriousPoet, New York, NY
Apr 11, 2010

I really liked this piece simply because it is such a perfect summary of our age. Everything from war to whimsy, what the population asks "Why?" about. A really beautiful idea well executed.

 

However, I did take issue with the heading "why to b": although the resulting questions do tie in well with the rest of the poem, the heading itself is extremely choppy and unpleasant. The entire poem is one of questions, but nobody begins a question by asking, "why to b..." A quick fix would just be to change it to "be."

 

Anyway, fantastic idea, lovely poem!

critiqued by L. M. Zhukov, Russia
Apr 11, 2010

Wow, this is really good!  It's a really creative idea for a poem, as it reveals what people are truly wondering.  Also, I love the ending.  It's not too strong but it's extremely powerful. 

critiqued by musicalpoet, Alabama
Apr 11, 2010

It's a good concept; I really dig found poems. It didn't hit me, though, or make me feel anything; at the end of the poem I felt the same as before I read it.

critiqued by jujubee, Thailand
Apr 11, 2010

Funny!

 

I really like the idea: the search engine spitting out those things when you start to type phrases. Good idea for a poem!

critiqued by LOVE_2_WRITE, Indiana
Apr 11, 2010

At first I didn't really like this poem. But after reading it some more, I like it. I like that it encompasses our age in a rather elegant, organized way. It shows us our times, rather than dancing elliptically about it. I don't really have a problem with the "Why to b" section, though I can certainly see it as lacking in the aesthetics department. The only other change I suggest is the title... Perhaps something a bit more fitting to the tone of the piece. I think it ought to include Google the way it does... but something about it just doesn't do it for me. Other than that, pretty clever idea. 

critiqued by Liz, Pennsylvania
Apr 18, 2010

I thought this was really creative. It really makes people think, Why are we here?

critiqued by hannah12, Wisconsin
Jun 27, 2010

Loved this poem -- so original!

 

What if (just a small suggestion) you put the words you're searching in bold like google does, so it would be like:

 

why to:

 

why to recycle
why to quit smoking
why torture is wrong

 

why to b:

why to buy a ps3
why to believe in god
why to be an organ donor

 

Just thought that might make it less confusing.

critiqued by alfalfa56
Jul 21, 2010

Good eye. Those words are actually supposed to be bold. In the midst of copying it from the wordpad document I wrote it in to paste it here and submit, I must have forgotten to reformat it! Oops. Good idea, though. I most certainly agree! 

critiqued by wordgirl89, Saginaw, MI
Jul 25, 2010