The Slam: Slammables
Bandgirl
by sing4eva
“You wanna drink?”
“Nah. I'm just here for the music.”
“Shame, the music is only here for the night.”
“Yeah, but so am I.”
“Again I say shame. You don't look like everyone else here has gotten to you yet. That takes some skills.”
“Like I said, I'm only here for the music. No one has had time to California-nize me yet.”
“Ooh you're from out of state. That explains it. It seems to be like you can't survive in south Cali without the tan. Stay much longer and the sun will claim you too.”
“Regretfully, it won't be happening. The company here beats most, but I'm off tonight.”
“Back home?”
“Nah just more roads.”
“Where is home?”
“Not sure yet. I'll find it sometime.”
“I'm sure wherever it is will be happy to have you.”
“One can only hope. So what brings you here? You sound like you're a regular.”
“Yeah, it's kinda the classic hangout around these parts, but I really hadn't known anyone came specifically for the music. No offense to this band, they seem great, but it's not like you see ads around saying who plays when. Are you a big fan?”
“Something like that.”
“'Something' gets my curiosity level up, but I won't pry.”
“Well if you're still here in a few songs, you may just get your curiosity satisfied.”
“Hmmm. I did have a rather urgent appointment with my couch and a blockbuster, but I think I can reschedule. This sounds too promising to miss.”
“Glad someone thinks so.”
“What?”
“Nothing. Never mind.”
“Okay.”
“Thanks. I'm just not really into it tonight, and it's really nice to be able to talk to someone who doesn't pry when I say stupid things like that.”
“Hey no problem. I've been told that I'm pretty easygoing.”
“I'm glad. Hey, I may have to take you up on that drink you offered in the beginning.”
“Sure. You want a beer?”
“Yeah thanks.”
“Sure thing.”
“Oh hey I gotta go now. I'm up.”
“Wait what?”
“Time to satisfy your curiosity.”
“Wow. So you're a singer. You're the Bandgirl.”
“Sure. I don't get to do all that much, but I travel with the band and sing in all the bars and clubs. I keep telling myself that I'll settle down, but I haven't really found a place that feels like the end of the line. Well, maybe it's not that I haven't found some, I'm just not sure I'm ready to, you know, give up the teenage dream.”
“You will be. Someday you'll find the place, or the person, or the life that makes you happier than this can. You'll know when.”
“You sound like you've been through it yourself.”
“Yeah right. I was just trying to sound smart.”
“Thanks. It made me feel better even if you didn't really mean it.”
“Any time, and I did mean it, even if it's not from experience. So does Bandgirl have a name?
“Yeah, but I'm kinda starting to like Bandgirl.”
“Really? I didn't think you wanted to be Bandgirl anymore.”
“Maybe not, but for now, for where we are, for who we are, for who I am, I think Bandgirl is perfect.”
“So then Bandgirl, will I get to see you again?”
“I don't think so. This isn't the end of my line. I could say 'yeah of course you'll see me when I'm rich and famous,' but I'm not living that dream anymore, so I think not. Thanks for the drink.”
“Thanks for the music. And thanks for this little taste of outside life.”
“I don't think this is the end of your line either.”
“No. No it's not, but I'm not really searching now.”
“Good luck anyway.”
“You too. Bye Bandgirl.”
“Bye...?”
“...Barboy.”
“Bye Barboy.”
I liked it, but why did it have to be all dialogue? Some actions or descriptions would have brought it together better. One thumb up.
Feb 26, 2010
I think it's really impressive how you were able to communicate so much just through the dialogue. The story could have been good with more description, too, but I don't think it needs it. I, for one, can picture exactly what's going on between sentences, the little gestures and interactions, especially when Bandgirl goes up to play onstage. In my own writing I use a lot of description, but I wish I could write more dialogue like yours! You should be a playwright!
Feb 26, 2010
I really liked the plot of this piece -- I liked the meeting of two people who (we can assume) will never meet again. I think that if it's going to be all dialogue you don't need to have an indent and quotes for each line. I think an enter would have been good enough. It felt like the indents and quotes made the story longer and more tedious.
Feb 27, 2010
I have to say, as a story I didn't like this much. But that doesn't mean I don't like it in essence. I just think that when I read all the dialogue in my head it sounded really forced. I did notice, however, that if I worked really hard to picture it as a movie with the people talking, it sounded a lot more natural. Have you ever considered going into screenwriting? With your talent for dialogue, it would be really good for you to look into. This is a great story, but in the wrong format. Happy writing!
Feb 28, 2010
Good dialogue! That is something I can never get right!
Mar 16, 2010
I really like the idea of the story, and I think telling it only in dialogue was creative. The one thing that bothered me was how some lines are missing commas, whether grammaticaly or to indicate natural pause. I think that “Hey no problem. I've been told that I'm pretty easygoing” would read easier as “Hey, no problem. I've been told that I'm pretty easygoing.” That sort of thing. But again, I like it!
Jul 31, 2010

Slammings