I liked its meaning, but the plot was a little weak. Have you ever tried writing in first person? You might like it better.  You kept getting into the girl's head and then pulling out and talking about the actions like a third party observer... It was a little confusing.

I agree with Aaron. I think this story would work best in first person because it's such a personal story. With stories where the characters are more distant and less focused on feelings, third person is good, but when a story is so grounded in the feelings of a character then I think first person works the best. I loved the plot and felt that you could've done a lot more with it without making it too long.  Keep it up, this is a great start.

I really like the concept behind this piece and the atmosphere of the scene the description provides. It definitely has great potential, but I agree that the point of view needs some reworking. Right now the narration seems to be once or twice switching from third person limited of the girl to a third person narration that is sort of detached from the girl.

I happen to be a big fan of third person limited, because it allows the intimacy of getting inside the head of one character without the sometimes restricting voice of first person. I think if you were to clean up the point of view just a bit, it would be a really great piece, and you do not really need to switch to first person. You write about how she "wiped the corner of her lip with her cloth napkin delicately" and "offered with fragrant eyes." While these are great descriptions, they are sort of something an outside observer would more notice. You could even just add that she was trying to be delicate to impress him or that she knew that her "fragrant eyes" would have an effect on him, or something like that, to make it more personally connected to her. Other than these few things, I thought your piece was very beautiful in its simplicity. Good job!

I don't think first person would be good; I like visualizing them both in the kitchen together rather than just seeing him through her eyes. I really love the beginning, because it really is the small things that I love in people.  Like in Arsenic and Old Lace I think, the girl told the man that at first she fell in love with the back of his head and then got used to the front. The end is good, too, but I felt like the middle could be a little shorter.

Somehow, I didn't even notice an awkwardness in the point of view; I like it the way it is. Perhaps limited omniscient might take out a few kinks, but I think that to put it in first person would take away some of its charm. I love the plot -- I always love the idea of a small scene, a seemingly insignificant conversation, and the way it can be expanded into a larger text to show that every encounter has meaning, though often overlooked as unimportant.

I especially liked the note of awkwardness that ended the story, as it sort of resounded to a note everyone has experienced, making the scene more human, more real.  Another thing I think attests to this is the part where she was about to say "fantastico," but she stopped herself because he wasn't the type. It sort of tells about this uncomfortableness yet splendidness of falling in love... 

I really enjoyed this story. The title really caught my eye, and I think that it really pulls the reader into the story. I didn't notice anything awkward about the point of view; I thought that it all was pulled together quite nicely. I enjoyed the "humanism" in it, as it reminded me of a few times with one person in my own life. But, I do think that the dialogue was a little stiff, even if it is an awkward moment. For instance, she said, "Quite delicious. Your mother grows these?" I think that this sentence is a little formal for just two people talking. I think that she should say something more informal, such as, "It's great. Does your mother grow these?" But if that is just how the character is, then I think that you shouldn't change it. Really great piece, I really enjoyed it.