The Slam: Slammables

Mertvii Poeti

by L. M. Zhukov, Russia

i hear kipling in your words
best beloved
and
i hear tennyson in your eyes
frail warrior
and
i hear poe in your heart
never more
but
i heard pushkin in the shot
only that
and
nothing more

Slammings

I really do admire you, you know that?

 

Your last poem and this one are absolutely amazing for the free-form that I myself usually avoid. I just don't like it. Usually. But I love this. There's a subtle rhythm to your writing -- it forms to the poem (instead of vice versa, which is how I was taught to write and what I usually fall back into), like water forms to its container.

 

I love the thought of every part of someone, something, being made up of different components. Tennyson is my eyes! Poe is my heart! I am an echo of these things, tossed and jumbled so that I end up as something totally different! A romantic ideal, a simple one, but so intricately beautiful and stated so concisely.

 

Keep writing, and know that I will read it all. Thank you for this.

critiqued by A Brown
Jan 29, 2010

I really enjoyed this poem. It's heartbreaking. I love the way you describe an entire person in so few words from literature. This is a real accomplishment.

 

That said, is "only that and nothing more" a quote from Pushkin? It sounds like another bit from Poe: 'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, 'tapping at my chamber door - / Only this, and nothing more' ("The Raven"). I'm not familiar with anything by Pushkin, but is there another line you could use? Or is this deliberately a quote from Poe? Or this a famous line from Pushkin and I'm just clueless?

critiqued by Teresa
Feb 4, 2010

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

 

Indeed you are quite right, the last line is from "The Raven." I didn't use Pushkin because I was already using his death and I thought that using another Poe quote would (sort of) help with the cadence. Thanks for the feedback!

critiqued by L. M. Zhukov, Russia
Feb 6, 2010

Wow, that really just jumped out at me, good job!

 

I thought it was going to be just like all the other free form imitators that copy each other.  It would have been better with more meter restrictions, but I still liked it.

critiqued by Aaron Lawrence, St. Louis, MO
Feb 23, 2010