The Slam: Slammables

Chornii

by L. M. Zhukov, Russia

the subway roils with mice
and they are
packed so close together
one cannot
see their oily briefcases

Slammings

I loved this poem! It paints a picture as you read it, then at the end you find that the poem has a different meaning from the one that you first interpreted. The only thing I would say is that the rhythm doesn't really flow for me. But all the same, an excellent poem! Great work!

critiqued by Jojo, Australia
Jan 13, 2010