The Slam: Slammables

Dear Sue

by Monica, British Columbia

Let me tell you, Sue, about
the fireworks today -- flowers and flowers.
It's still summer here, Sue, even when
I know you smell the smell of ice now:
lightning, plastic, salt.
It is summer on the edge of fall here, Sue,
when I can hear the leaves curling up crunchy
switching like Ma's paper fan in the shade.
Remember the good times, Sue? Let me
tell you that the grass is still tall here.
The grey tops dust on the faces of picnic-goers --
reminds me of us, Sue, the summer we were ten.
Short shorts, cold milk, airy cool farmhouses,
the wheat tall and golden between our eyes,
and the grains spelled out what I've
tried to remeber, mostly forgotten,
a secret map of girlhood
no one else could read.

Slammings

I love the way you use descriptive imagery to convey the reminiscent and wistful feeling of this poem.

critiqued by etoilenoir, Salt Lake City, UT
Jan 10, 2010

You did good, but I'm wondering... why does it seem like Sue died?

 

I liked the lightheartedness it sang of, but the sad part was that it seemed like underneath it all, Sue wasn't really there.

critiqued by LunaBelle, Washington, DC
Jan 18, 2010

I am in complete awe! I love the way you made the memories distant, but close at the same time. It's almost as if you put a veil over them. Not too thin, not too heavy. Just right.

critiqued by Caty-Sheridan, New York, NY
Jan 25, 2010