The Slam: Slammables
Beneath the Lilies
by Liz, Pennsylvania
my beloved has gone
down to his garden, to his beds
of spices, where the roots
will tickle him like children,
and to the patter of our feet,
he will listen, eyes upward,
brow furrowed, as though we
were the ghosts.
Your poem is very beautiful, especially the line, "where the roots will tickle him like children." Similes and metaphors I can't help but love.
Jan 21, 2010
There is so much in this short poem! I love the lines "he will listen, eyes upward, / brow furrowed, as though we / were the ghosts." It depicts the "man" as old, but young at heart.
Jan 25, 2010
Your poem is beautiful; its precision makes it so strong. One suggestion would be that since you end it with a period, you might want to start it with a capital letter. I just think this would be more natural; there is really no reason for you not to use capitalization. Happy writing!
Feb 25, 2010
Slammings