The Slam: Slammables
Day One of Finals Season
by Sarah, Away at College
Caught a moment.
I caught a moment
walking with my coffee. Not the moment, walking, me.
With my coffee, walking, and then the moment. I caught it.
To be alive. That’s what it was, to be alive.
That’s what it was to be alive: that moment.
I caught what it was to be alive.
Was it alive? That moment?
Just one foot in front of the other
And the sky so big.
Just walking under the sky with my coffee
And I was alive.
How easy it is to forget, during finals.
Love it! I love how you start and end the poem with something that sounds routine, memorized, and monotonous -- like the answers on a test. I also really like how you slowly and almost hesitantly paint a brief picture, and one that's not fully descriptive, leaving the reader wondering. Also, nicely done with the spacing -- almost like when you just feel like you can't think anymore after too many tests... if that makes any sense. Very nicely done!
critiqued by etoilenoir, Salt Lake City, UT
Jan 10, 2010
Jan 10, 2010
This is an excellent piece of work. I especially like how you put the first word of each sentence on its own line, giving depth and emphasis to it. The repetition of phrases such as "walking with my coffee" and "caught a moment" also adds importance and helps to make the piece more interesting to read. I love this poem, and I'm looking forward to seeing more next month!
critiqued by moonbird, Ohio
Jan 10, 2010
Jan 10, 2010
Slammings