The Slam: Slammables
Linguistics
by shoopp, Oregon
Music is a language he speaks that I don't speak at all. Instead, I speak French. French is just another version of English, another version of whatever language we all spoke first. They all say the same thing: "I need you," "Je te veux," "I miss you," "Je t'aime." Music has no translation into English.
It's not uncommon for peope to dabble in music, speaking a little here and there; however, he is absolutely fluent and has the most beautiful accent. You'd think he was a native speaker; it's really a delight to hear. It makes him so attractive. It makes him so interesting. He's more interesting than I could ever hope to be because of it. I've heard that people are attracted to familiarity, that they like people who are like themselves. Sometimes I worry if I don't learn to speak a little music along with the French he'll lose the interest he has in me. He and music have a beautiful relationship -- one in which I have no part because I can't understand what they say to each other. I'm sure he'd translate for me if he could.
I can tell him I love him in English, but that's not good enough. I need to say it in music.
So true. Trying to understand a natural musician's world is like trying to adapt in a foreign country. This is rich with emotion, yet simplistic in its nature. I really enjoyed it.
However, one thing that I would work on is choosing adjectives that might better convey that emotion. For example, in the second paragraph/stanza/part, you use different forms of "interesting" three times. One sentence reads, "It makes him so attractive. It makes him so interesting." I feel like if you were to rewrite that sentence showing us how interesting and attractive he is (or even using more interesting and attractive adjectives), it would pull us into the narrative more.
Anyway, just a recommendation. But your writing is bursting with potential, and so, so beautiful to read.
critiqued by peace_poet, New Jersey
Dec 2, 2009
Dec 2, 2009
Slammings