The Slam: Slammables
Slurpee Run
by Elizabeth Rose
windows down
the breeze rolls in
on a laugh
on a whim
chilling button noses
and fingers
gripping plastic, jumbo cups
filled with cherry coke slush
watery and cold
out of place on a winter's night
like us kids
swinging on the playground
nearing midnight
he, a king four years my senior
and I, his favorite wench
surveying our rumble-tumble kingdom
searching for forest gods in snow drifts
searching for them with soggy, dim embers
in between our chafing digits
fighting in the slide tunnel
heels over head
stuck like giants
in a world our peers so harshly
left behind
and he an adult,
my ice-eyed, sensuous king
and I an almost adult,
his gray-eyed, elfish wench
should have let this all go
but with the world weighing down
books, graves, hearts; all
our kingdom keeps us sane
maturing in make-believe
even if the world
frowns upon
and sees us as those
who never grow up
Exciting imagery! I like the cold, slushy, jumbo cups in the cold night's air. Good job!
Nov 24, 2009
Agreed. This would be wonderful as a spoken-word piece (or maybe you've already thought of that, in which case I would love to hear it.)
Dec 2, 2009
I think that this poem is fantastic. I could see the whole thing and definitely relate to it.
You used "wench" twice, though, and that didn't work for me. Some of the wording seemed awkward, like you could have used different words to convey the (remarkably vivid) emotion. Does that make sense?
Other than that, great job! This is a unique poem that made me stop and think for a second.
Jan 8, 2010

Slammings