The Slam: Slammables
Dissonance
by Jolina Petersheim, Livingston, TN
The teacher says, "Cognitive Dissonance is when two pieces of our world do not fit together."
A pause and a question: "Does anyone have an example?"
The students let their answers fall like beads from a string: eight a.m. and classes, rainy days and weddings, Christmas carols and techno music.
I have one, I long to say: my best friend and cancer.
"What do you do to reduce the tension? Do you ever tell yourself lies?"
I clutch the pen so tightly my knuckles look like bone: It's not that bad. We've seen results like this before. Maybe it's just a calcium deposit.
"Sometimes, we will even devalue or discredit the source of the information. Like what nutritionists tell us about the Big Mac. We purposefully ignore their information because we so badly want the sandwich."
I devalue --I discredit Dr. Meleck and his knowledge. All he did was a needle biopsy. He should've referred her to the orthopedic surgeon the second her hip lit up the screen.
"We rationalize that we can eat one, two, or three Big Macs -- because, in the end, we think something else will kill us anyway."
The next slide shuffles into its place.
"There are several things that can cause dissonance. One is a loss of group prestige. What if the team you are rooting for loses the World Series? Will you experience a sense of loss?"
What if my best friend loses to those ravaging cells? Will I experience a sense of loss?
"Another loss that creates dissonance is a loss of personal prestige: I experienced this when I bought a new washer and dryer, and they didn't wash my clothes the way I wanted them to."
My best friend felt the loss of personal prestige when she awoke to find her pillow covered with more hair than what was on her head.
"The most dissonance is experienced when we are faced with an unpredictable outcome. When we do not know what is going to happen, the pieces of our world do not seem to fit together. But if we are once again resassured we have emotional and physical security, consonance will be attained."
Teacher, tell me, that I can still have 10, 20, 30 years with my best friend;
Teacher, tell me, in the end, what that something is that is going to kill us all anyway.
First of all, if this is happening / has happened to you, I am deeply sorry. And if it's not, it feels so real, as if it really were happening to you. I liked how you contrasted the teacher's explanation of dissonance, using logical things like big macs and washing machines, to how you are coping with dissonance, which isn't logical at all. So emotional... great job. Keep writing!
critiqued by Scarlett, Los Angeles, CA
Nov 7, 2009
Nov 7, 2009
I'm so sorry for your loss, if it really did happen. It is almost a mocking poem, how the teacher thinks of dissonance as a faulty washer/dryer set, but you're comparing it to plain, hard death. It shows a not-so-avoidable reality, also strange since the teacher says we avoid information because we don't want to know it. This is a really to-the-point poem, and you transfer your sorrow to us through beautiful words and slight sarcasm. Great job -- I like the poem a lot!
critiqued by sparrow_lvnv
Nov 7, 2009
Nov 7, 2009
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Thank you both for your words of encouragement. Yes, the events surrounding this microfiction/poem did happen, and I actually wrote the rough draft during a communications class in college. I was jotting down the notes -- pretty much verbatim -- and I kept writing in contrasts of how I was feeling at the time. I just kept going and going... It was so therapeutic for me, because, at the time, I knew my best friend had been re-diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma, and it had traveled from her lymph nodes to her bones. I am very thankful to say that after a stem cell transplant from her eight-year-old brother last summer (he was the youngest donor in Vanderbilt's history), her PET and CAT scans have come back completely clear!
critiqued by Jolina Petersheim, Livingston, TN
Nov 10, 2009
Nov 10, 2009
My dad is a cancer doctor. My mother had breast cancer. I lost a grandmother to it, too. Your story is the most honest anyone I have ever met has been about the reality of death. Thank you. I needed this, someone to say my feelings for me, and honestly. This line, especially, made me feel that relief of being able to name my own feelings: "What if my best friend loses to those ravaging cells? Will I experience a sense of loss?" The imagery was lovely in its horrific truth. You are truly a gifted writer, and your honesty is wonderful.
critiqued by mnms1313
Dec 2, 2009
Dec 2, 2009
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Dear mnms1313,
I am sorry for your loss. So many people are being affected by cancer, but that doesn't make it any easier for us to bear. I'm glad my poem was able to help you express your pain in some way. There's a website, which is formulated for 15- to 39-year-olds, to help deal with cancer; it's not only for those who have had cancer, but for those whose lives have been ravaged by it. I've written an article for them entitled, "I'm Sorry... Did She Eat Dairy?," and I think, due to your experiences, you might enjoy reading it.
http://www.waitingroommagazine.com/feature.php?id=33
Thank you again. - Jolina
critiqued by Jolina Petersheim, Livingston, TN
Dec 3, 2009
Dec 3, 2009
Slammings